Journal for 2/29/2020


Leap Day feels stolen. Like a day where we get to do anything that we want with it. I spent the morning talking with Ben and Susan, then took an “amtrak” bus to B’ham.

The first few hours we walked Pica, and then sat and talked about the days around Gabriel’s last days. Some stories were fine and funny. Others made me cry. I remember maybe a week before he died, he had taken Nala out for a walk. She had been wanting to run, so he stood on my longboard and had her leash as she ran him around the block. I was pulling up to the house as he skated along 15th and he was just laughing with the broadest smile.

I talked about the small regrets that come up, that last morning, I wish I would have pulled the cover back and kissed his forehead, telling him that I love him one more time. I really wish I would have known to tell him how important he is and what he means to my life.

I also told her about telling Rhys and how at his apartment door, Rhys said, “Oh! You’re all here . . . wait, where’s Gabriel?” Thinking about that just gets to me. Those two could have had a great life together.

We cried, we had some dinner together, and I sent to bed early. Read a bit and then slept on the end of this stolen, emotional day.

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