Journal of 2/28/2020

Gabriel at Blue Lake Washington 2006


4 months. 

I awoke early. I think I did most days this week. I still see the 2-4 am time slot often. Some time while I lay there awake, Joan said something and we started to talk about the four months having passed. I cry quietly into the corner of my eyes.

I miss him.

I have a fear that he didn’t know how deeply he was loved, and still is, and how much he mattered to me and to the rest of his family.

Today Aelora leaves for Chicago. Rhys and Joan are driving her up. And I leave for Seattle/Bellingham.

Seattle and clouds off wingtip

It’s the first time seeing anyone out west since his death and remembrance. For some (My-Le) it’s the first I‘ve seen since before he died.

Navigating these re-entry points where I leave the world where his death, though shocking, is normalized into spaces and places where people didn’t even know he was alive – sometimes.

I’ll stay with Ben one night, and then head up to see my mom on Saturday.

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