I have been traipsing over the same ground for the last couple of weeks. “Smell of Rain on Dust” talks about a canoe of songs and paddles of tears that escort loved ones across the oceans of all gathered time, to land on the beach of stars. There he gestates into “becoming ancestor” for the family.

One day before I made it into this chapter, Stacy and Drew talked about Gabriel playing with their kiddos before they’re born. They will tell the kids about how Uncle Gabriel watched over them before they made their way here.

So I think about the tears I cry and the songs of Praise for Gabriel as he makes his way across the ocean of all gathered time. I continue to sing songs for him. Continue to cry when I forget that he’s gone.

I count the days for the ritual – 260 by old tradition, 365 for the Christian calendar, a renewal feast is made for the deceased. And then after 400 days, the soul has reached the other side and has turned around into a grander being.

260 days – July 14, 2020

365 days – October 27, 2020 (maybe we can dine as a family then)

400 days – December 1, 2020

I continue to think about all of the “after life” categories. This one feels the most right. Perhaps it’s the most comforting as it gives my sorrow a pool to run in to. Gabriel as part of the cosmic body. Gabriel as “ancestor” to guide the family.