Journal of 11/19/2019

I had a visitor to my dreams last night. I’ll say “he” because that was the overall impression I had of a gender identity, but gender wasn’t really a part of the visit. He said that he came to me at Gabriel’s behest. And he wanted me to know some things.

  1. Gabriel had arrived to his destination safely.
  2. I don’t recall.
  3. He had lured, or taught, Gabriel, out of his corporealness where he was so he could exit
    that body at will.
  4. Gabriel is a free-spirit now.

I had a moment left as it felt like our time was ending and I asked if Gabriel had mentioned anything about resurrection. He said, “No. But I’ll ask him.” — I hope, selfishly, that he can find a way back, just so I can hug him one more time.The dream was comforting.

I find myself split between feeling sad/lost/lonely and knowing that Gabriel’s energy continues, that Gabriel’s path here ended on 10/28/19 no matter the alternate routes, and that Gabriel IS a free-spirit.

I suppose I just want him to know how deeply I loved him, how I looked forward to seeing him, and how much he mattered to me.

Sadness is debilitating.

Nothing in the world feels right. I’ve been thinking about this process and how this feels much like disintegration.

Gabriel’s death indeed disrupts and destroys my world’s integration.

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